I have been trying to write this post for the last couple of months. But every time I start writing – I end up trashing it. But part of the reason I keep a blog is so I keep track of the story of my life. And I have to be authentic. Reader, be aware – this is a LONG post! Typically, I don’t write more than a paragraph or two. Today I couldn’t stop writing.
Well friends, life the last 5 1/2 months has been so hard. When I start to get overwhelmed (which is A LOT lately), I feel guilty because I see other moms handling life just fine. And most of those moms have more kids than me! I also feel guilty because I know tons of moms that would love to have more kids and can’t. I guess I’m just being selfish. But – I miss my husband, I miss me, I miss a lot of things. Going from one kid to two kids
has been still is a tough transition. I am still in the weeds. I am still exhausted. I find myself asking – when does this get easier?
Let’s put it this way – I am learning a lot in this season. So far I have learned I can no longer work full time. I will be starting 2013 as a stay at home mom. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. But everyday since I came back from maternity leave has been confirmation on my decision. You see I am very high on responsibility. I put that on myself. I want to be an amazing wife, mom, and employee. But I was failing at all three. For this season, I need to focus on being a mom and wife. Those are two huge roles!
I’m also learning in this season, I can’t have a lot of friends. And that’s ok. I’m an extrovert so this has been hard for me. My hope is that the real friends stick around because I have nothing to give. This is a season I need others to pour into me. Even though I love pouring into others, I just can’t do it in this season.
I’m learning how important my husband is. I can totally see how couples get divorced after kids come along. Two kids is a game changer. But every day I am more grateful for my husband. He is the most loving, kind, patient, supportive man in the world. And I’m so blessed to even have the opportunity to stay home with the kids because he works so hard. He is my best friend and I’m just so thankful he chose me to spend life with.
I’m learning that I can only do life in a constant connection with God. Without Him, I’m toast. Without Him, I’m lost. Without Him, I’m a angry woman. Without Him, I’m dissatisfied with life. With Him, I serve my family well. With Him, I learn not to compare myself to other moms. With Him, I can do ALL things. With Him, I know I am a daughter of the King. With Him, I can be filled with a peace that transcends all understanding.
For now, this is all I know – I’m sinking. But God has my hand and He won’t let go. I will get through this valley. It could always be worse. Always.
The most important people in my life right now are these –
And I’m so grateful even in the crazy busy season!